I had a dream last night…
Actually, it was a nightmare. I had died and was sentenced to play in the Cowboys secondary. Drew Brees was wearing a devil costume and he wouldn’t stop torching me with touchdown passes.
Then, Mark Ingram kept running the ball 10 yards or so and poking me with a pitchfork as if he was even badder than Brees.
Things got even stranger when I saw someone that looked like Maurice Jones-Drew running into the end zone and then walking off the field smiling as if his team had won. Yeah, right.
I later found myself in an airport, where I saw Trent Richardson being escorted by two beefy men onto a plane headed for Cleveland. It was weird because he kept falling down every couple of feet, though nobody touched him.
I went outside and saw Chris Johnson driving off. I knew it was him because his license plate read “CJ.75K.”
My phone rang. A voice said it was “Matt,” and he was looking for “Julio.” I told him he had the wrong number. But just he kept calling over and over and over…
Then I started getting a slew of texts from a 305 area code. Miami. I refused to read them.
I tried to reach my old pal Ray Rice, but nobody knew where he was. I even tried the Ravens’ headquarters, but they said he hasn’t shown up in weeks.
Then Christian Ponder called, venting. Asked what he was supposed to do now that his offense is handcuffed at the receiver position.
I knew my mind was playing tricks on me when I saw “Rams 38 – Colts 8.” Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
A voice in my head kept whispering “Foles to Cooper, Foles to Cooper…” Talk about going insane.
I got so scared, I started saying Hail Marys, even though I’m not Catholic. Then the clouds parted and A.J. Green looked down at me, smiling, and said everything would be alright.
When I woke up, I found myself in a snow globe in a dollar store with some lizards that were eating my legs.
FREE AGENT PICKS AND PANS
To win a fantasy championship, it helps to start with a great draft. But filling in your roster throughout the season with the right free agents is also important. Here's a look at players worth considering, and others who would look better in someone else's lineup.
Catch ‘em while you can
Andre Brown, RB, Giants. A couple weeks ago I warned you not to let him linger as a free agent any longer. Brown is still available in three out of four leagues; but following his dominant, 30-carry performance against the Raiders, he’ll be a hot waiver-wire target this week.
Tavon Austin, WR, Rams. After being a non-factor over his last seven games, and forced to labor without Sam Bradford at the controls, Austin was discarded in many leagues. Methinks the Rams have figured out that getting the ball in their first-round pick’s hands is a swell idea.
Don’t be fooled
Mark Ingram, RB, Saints. I’ve bought into his promise once too many times. Won’t get fooled again. Listen, you and I could have racked up 100 yards on that defense Sunday night. Ingram is still third in the Saints’ backfield pecking order and he may not see that much mop-up time again this season.