Week 9 column: Close encounters of the fantasy kind

As a nationally syndicated fantasy columnist, I am in constant contact with the subjects of my columns. As far as you know…

For example, JaMarcus Russell called to tell me he thought he had another “pretty good game” yesterday. I reminded him that this was his bye week, but he said “that’s not my fault” and hung up.

Kurt Warner sent an email thanking me for the show of support in Friday’s “Starters & Benchwarmers” column, following his five-interception implosion the previous Sunday. “You’re welcome,” I replied. “But would it kill you to give Beanie a red-zone carry once in a while?”

Smilin’ Miles Austin (above) left me a voice mail saying he liked the nickname I coined for him in last week’s column. “I hope it catches on,” he said. Then he asked if I thought “Killjoy Roy” could work for any of his teammates.

LaDainian Tomlinson texted last night asking me to pass along this message to his fantasy owners: “I just turned 30. What were you expecting?”

Eli Manning forwarded me a link to his hotel reservations in Miami for Super Bowl weekend and asked if I was interested. Said he had just booked a tee time in Arizona instead.

I sent a letter last Thursday to the Steelers’ club offices addressed to Fast Willie Parker. It came back with a “Return to Sender” stamp and a note that read “Nobody fitting that description works here.”

I called Steve Slaton to congratulate him on getting into the end zone against the Colts. “Thanks,” he said, “but can you believe Moats fumbled at the goal-line? Dude cost us the game!” That was weird.

Brett Favre called to say he had been pondering his future over the bye week and had made up his mind to return to the Vikings again next season. Then he just started laughing hysterically and said “Just kidding.”

Had a voice mail message when I woke up. “Hey, it’s Olsen. Thanks for chatting with Cutler for me. I think he gets it now.”

I called Jamal Lewis to congratulate him on a fine career and wished him well in retirement. “Thanks, but I’m not retiring until after the season,” he replied. “Oh, I thought…um...never mind.”

Got a tweet from Chad Ochocinco. Actually, I got about 60 of them. That guy needs a wife.

Steven Jackson called and asked if I had any good quarterback recommendations. “I didn’t know you played fantasy football,” I said. “I don’t,” he replied. That was awkward.

I tried calling, emailing, texting and even sent an instant message to Willis McGahee. Nothing. His neighbors said they haven’t seen him either, and his lawn hasn’t been mowed in weeks. Very disturbing.

Larry Johnson sent me a text this morning after he got the news of his release from the Chiefs. Unfortunately, I can’t print it here; but, for the record, Larry: No, I’m not.


FREE AGENT PICKS AND PANS

To win a fantasy championship, it helps to start with a perfect draft. But assuming you missed the mark at some point, tapping into the free agent pool can help significantly. Here’s a look at players worth considering, and others who would look better in someone else’s line-up.

Catch ‘em while you can

Ladell Betts, RB, Redskins. I’ve been preaching all season to Clinton Portis’ owners that they’d better have Betts waiting in the wings. My concern was primarily over Portis’ various leg ailments, but it was a scary-looking concussion that knocked the starter out of the game. Betts responded nicely with 93 combined yards and a TD; and though he draws a tough assignment against Denver next weekend, it’s safe to assume he’ll carry the load while Portis recuperates.

Chris Chambers, WR, Chiefs. I wasn’t surprised to see the Chargers’ castoff reel in three catches in his first game as a Chief. But the two touchdowns, including one spanning 54 yards, were a shock. The nine-year veteran is clearly past his prime, but he could be worth a spot start in favorable matchups if he continues to build rapport with Matt Cassel.

Don’t be fooled

Josh Freeman, QB, Buccaneers. You have to like what he did in his first career start, racking up 201 yards and a trio of scoring strikes while leading the Bucs to their first victory of the season. But you don’t have to pluck him off the waiver wire. Rookie passers experience far more ups than downs – just ask Mark Sanchez and Matthew Stafford – and the talent surrounding Freeman is about as thin as it gets.

Jason Hill, WR, 49ers. With Vernon Davis finally making the most of his talents, Michael Crabtree still learning the pro game, and Alex Smith being, well, Alex Smith, San Francisco is fortunate to have two receivers worthy of fantasy consideration. Hill’s four receptions and two TDs were his first of the season in both categories, so steer clear of this shooting star.

James Jones, WR, Packers. Sunday marked the first time this season that Jones caught more than two balls in a game. Though he now has three touchdowns on the year, his all-or-nothing production makes him too risky for most fantasy rosters. As long as Greg Jennings and Donald Driver are healthy, Jones should remain a free agent.

Sunday morning updates

You know the "Endless Shrimp" meal at Red Lobster? Well, at some point, it has to end. And then, you feel like crap. But boy, they sure taste good!

But I digress... It's almost time for Week 9 action!

As always, look for my inactive tweets this morning. Here's what I have so far:

According to various media reports, it appears that Calvin Johnson, Devin Hester, Roddy White and Donald Driver will start as usual today.

Donald Brown and Pierre Garcon apparently will suit up also, but don't expect much from them.

Antonio Bryant (knee) and Muhsin Muhammad (knee) will NOT play.

Steve Slaton will NOT start today vs. the Colts, yielding that role to Week 8 sensation Ryan Moats. The two backs are expected to share carries today, and the hotter hand should get the majority of the plays. Predicting whose hand will be hotter is the rub. If you have both, Moats appears to be the better play.

More to come via Twitter. Good luck today!

Week 9 Starters & Benchwarmers

You don’t need me advising you to start Peyton Manning and Maurice Jones-Drew, or to bench Derek Anderson and Earnest Graham. So I’ll leave the obvious recommendations to the network bozos and focus instead on players typically on the bubble of most fantasy lineups. Here are my picks to roll, and get rolled, in Week 9.

Watch ‘em roll

Kurt Warner, QB, Cardinals at Bears. Everybody’s down on the aging gunslinger following last week’s five-interception implosion. An owner in one of my leagues even went so far as to waive him! But Warner is a threat to top 300 yards and post multiple TDs – even without Anquan Boldin (ankle) in the lineup – against the same secondary that Carson Palmer torched for five scores two weeks ago.

Pierre Thomas, RB, Saints vs. Panthers. Sure, he shares carries with both Mike Bell and Reggie Bush. But now that he is fully healthy again, Thomas is the most dazzling option in the Saints’ backfield. New Orleans will rack up points a-plenty in this lop-sided contest, and Thomas is bound to get an ample share.

Jamaal Charles, RB, Chiefs at Jaguars. While Larry Johnson nurses the head that was recently extricated from his rear end, Charles is in charge against the defense that just surrendered 228 yards and 2 TDs to Chris Johnson. Granted, Charles is no Johnson, but we’ll be happy with half that production.

Nate Burleson, WR, Seahawks vs. Lions. Targeted by Matt Hasselbeck more frequently than prized free-agent T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Burleson has, not coincidentally, been the more productive wideout as well. In this tasty matchup, the unsung receiver is a primo play.

Mike Sims-Walker, WR, Jaguars vs. Chiefs. Though his quarterback is as unpredictable as they get, Sims-Walker had been money prior to last week’s debacle. He’ll rebound nicely at home against one of the league’s most generous secondaries.

More thumbs up: QBs Matt Hasselbeck, Donovan McNabb, Matt Cassel; RBs Brandon Jacobs, Brian Westbrook, Ryan Grant, Joseph Addai; WRs Steve Breaston, Dwayne Bowe, Calvin Johnson.

Roll ‘em back

Eli Manning, QB, Giants vs. Chargers. He’s thrown half as many TDs (three) as interceptions (six) over the last three games, likely due as much to the solid opposition as to his gimpy foot. San Diego’s secondary is yielding just 178 passing yards per game, so don’t expect Manning to burst out of his slump this week.

Kevin Smith, RB, Lions at Seahawks. He has been limited in practice by a shoulder injury incurred in last week’s game, and Maurice Morris is encroaching on his once-undisputed workhorse role. Seattle boasts a top-ten rush defense that has been improving of late and should have little trouble limiting Detroit’s stable.

Ricky Williams, RB, Dolphins at Patriots. One of the prime beneficiaries of the Wildcat offense, Williams still plays second-fiddle to every-week-starter Ronnie Brown. New England has allowed just one rushing score all season and has had an extra week to prepare for this showdown.

Kevin Walter, WR, Texans at Colts. Though Owen Daniels’ loss could be Walter’s long-term gain, his short-term prospects are limited. Indy has allowed only three passing TDs all season, so only Andre Johnson holds promise this week.

Santonio Holmes, WR, Steelers at Broncos. Despite last week’s let-down, Denver’s defense remains one of the league’s stingiest. Holmes’ production has been up-and-down all year, and he hasn’t scored since Week 1. Reserve him on the road, if you can, in what should be a low-scoring affair.

More thumbs down: QBs Kyle Orton, Matt Ryan; RBs Knowshon Moreno, LeSean McCoy, Cadillac Williams, Laurence Maroney; WRs Lance Moore, Antonio Bryant, Roy Williams, Nate Washington.

TAKING A FLIER

Michael Crabtree, WR, 49ers vs. Titans. He has acclimated to his offense much more quickly than expected – with 11 receptions for 137 yards in his first two games – and the 49ers are giving him ample opportunities to produce. Facing a Tennessee secondary that has allowed a league-high 19 passing TDs, look for the rookie to make the first of many trips to the end zone as a pro.

DON’T BE THE BONEHEAD WHO…benches Aaron Rodgers over worries about his sprained toe and foot. Unlike the bloodied Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Rodgers should pillage the Bucs’ defenseless secondary despite a few flesh wounds.

Mid-week updates from around the league

While I stand by my recommendation to pick up Ryan Moats this week -- especially if you're a Steve Slaton owner -- head coach Gary Kubiak has declined to indicate which back would start going forward. In fact, it sounds like a full-fledged RBBC at this point (including Chris Brown), as it's much more likely that Kubiak was sending a message to Slaton after his latest fumble rather than completely throwing in the towel on such an obviously gifted player. Moats had a career game against the Bills, but Slaton has several skins on the wall beginning with his stellar rookie season. And fortunately, fumblitis is a condition that can be cured.

Looks like another committee may be forming in Detroit, where Maurice Morris is encroaching on Kevin Smith's once-undisputed territory. Though his combined rushing and receiving stats were decent, Smith was generally underwhelming against the Rams on Sunday, while Morris looked stronger. I wouldn't bother using a roster spot on Morris, but Smith's owners might want to look for a way to trade him before his value deteriorates further. After all, the only thing worse than relying on a Lions tailback is relying on one who shares carries. Not to mention Smith is nursing a shoulder injury that kept him out of today's practice.

Edgerrin James was quietly released by the Seahawks.

Willie McGahee has disappeared from the Ravens offense. Look for him on milk cartons around the Baltimore area soon.

Jamal Lewis said he will retire after the '09 season. Funny, I thought he already had.

Brian Westbrook is expected to practice today and will probably be back in action against the Cowboys on Sunday.

Anquan Boldin is expected to miss Week 9 at Chicago with his ankle injury, according to the Arizona Republic. Hear that, Steve Breaston owners?

No telling yet about Megatron. I'm cautiously optimistic we'll see him back this weekend in Seattle, since he practiced fully with the Lions' first-team offense today.

Chris Chambers was dumped by the Chargers, and immediately picked up by the Chiefs. Though I certainly wouldn't recommend acquiring him, I won't be surprised if Chambers is starting opposite Dwayne Bowe within a few weeks.

Joel Dreessen will be Houston's starting TE for at least the next few weeks, following the season-ending injury to Owen Daniels and arthroscopic surgery just performed on rookie James Casey, who is expected to miss 2-3 weeks. Honestly, I have no clue if Dreessen has any kind of chemistry with Matt Schaub, so consider him the definition of a flier. For what it's worth, his annual reception totals since his 2005 rookie year are as follows: 5, 0, 4 (including 2 TDs!), 11 and 5.

After John Carney missed a FG in his second straight game, you have to think Garrett Hartley's return is imminent. If you own Carney, be prepared.

Billy Cundiff has been released, allowing Phil Dawson to resume his role as the Browns' lone kicker. Yeah, I know...so what?

Week 8 Heroes & Zeros

This was a great week to start…

Brett Favre, QB, Vikings -- Passed for 244 yards and 4 TDs, and once again went without a turnover.
Aaron Rodgers, QB, Packers – Threw for 287 yards and 3 TDs, and ran for 52 yards in a losing effort.
Mark Sanchez, QB, Jets – Had the best day of his rookie season with 265 passing yards, 3 total TDs and no turnovers.
Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys -- Passed for 256 yards and 3 TDs, plus 10 rushing yards and one fumble.
Donovan McNabb, QB, Eagles – Threw 240 yards and a trio of scores.

Chris Johnson, RB, Titans – Out-dueled MJD with his masterful 228-yard, 2-TD afternoon.
Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jaguars – Made the most of his 8 carries, rumbling for 177 yards and 2 monster TDs.
Matt Forte, RB, Bears – Took advantage of the prime matchup by amassing 121 combined yards and 2 TDs.
Michael Turner, RB, Falcons – Looked like the ’08 version of himself, darting through the Saints for 151 yards and a score.
Steven Jackson, RB, Rams – Rumbled for 149 yards and his first score of the season, plus 3 catches for 17 yards.
Pierre Thomas, RB, Saints – Scored running and receiving, with 91 rushing yards.
Jonathan Stewart, RB, Panthers – Rushed for 87 yards and 2 scores.
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers – Only had 56 yards, but a pair of TDs made his day special.

Reggie Wayne, WR, Colts – Though limited with a groin strain all week, he topped all receivers with 12 catches for 147 yards and a TD.
Vincent Jackson, WR, Chargers -- Just five catches produced 142 yards and a score.
Ted Ginn, WR, Dolphins – Who needs to catch passes when you can return kickoffs for 100 and 101 yards in the same game?

Dolphins D/ST – Though they surrendered 25 points, they nearly offset that with Ginn’s two triple-digit kickoff returns, a fumble return TD by Jason Taylor, and 2 sacks.
Ravens D/ST – Had 2 sacks, one turnover, and a kickoff return score while holding the undefeated Broncos to 7 points.

This was a great week to play against…

Kyle Orton, QB, Broncos – Passed for 152 yards and no scores.
David Garrard, QB, Jaguars – Kept his road woes going with a miserable 139-yard, 0-TD, 2-INT outing.
Matt Schaub, QB, Texans – His 268 passing yards were offset by a pair of interceptions, and he didn’t complete a scoring pass for the first time since Week 1.
Kurt Warner, QB, Cardinals – Passed for a healthy 242 yards and 2 TDs, but turned the ball over a whopping 6 times.
Peyton Manning, QB, Colts – Held without a TD for the first time this season, though he still put up 347 yards.

Steve Slaton, RB, Texans – One of the day’s best bets caught 2 passes for 10 yards before losing another fumble and, possibly, his starting gig.
Ronnie Brown, RB, Dolphins – Ran for just 23 yards.
Marshawn Lynch, RB, Bills – Rushed for just 43 yards against a soft Texans defense.
Ryan Grant, RB, Packers -- Limited to 30 yards and added 3 catches for 21 more.

Eddie Royal, WR, Broncos – No dramatic returns were there to offset his paltry 2 catches for 10 yards.
Donnie Avery, WR, Rams – Just one 15-yard catch against the toothless Lions.
Lance Moore, WR, Saints – Another bit performance in a big Saints win, with just 2 catches for 11 yards.
Anquan Boldin, WR, Cardinals – Limited to 3 receptions for 23 yards before aggravating an injury.
Torry Holt and Mike Sims-Walker, WRs, Jaguars – Combined for 4 catches for 26 yards between them.
Lee Evans, WR, Bills – Reeled in only 2 passes for 29 yards.
Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos – Underwhelmed with 4 passes for 24 yards.
T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR, Seahawks – Ditto for him.

Tony Scheffler, TE, Broncos – One 9-yard catch on the day.
Owen Daniels, TE, Texans – Caught just one 22-yard pass before being lost for the year with a knee injury.

I didn’t see that coming…

Ryan Moats, RB, Texans – Subbed for the butter-fingered Slaton and busted loose for 126 rushing yards and 3 TDs, plus 2 receptions for 25 yards.

Week 8 column: The Perfect Draft, with 20/20 Hindsight

Halfway through the 2009 fantasy season, are you kicking yourself for allowing Cedric Benson to slide by round after round? Did you cast your lot with the wrong Steve Smith? Have you hurled epithets in Larry Johnson’s direction that could get you suspended by the NFL?

Yes, dear reader, it’s time for our semi-annual exercise in self-flagellation, when we travel back two short months to examine what could have been had we made all the right calls during our preseason draft. We call it The Perfect Draft: Midseason Review.

As with our preseason edition, we start with a few key assumptions. First, we’re in a 10-team league using a standard scoring system that starts one quarterback, two running backs, three wide receivers, one tight end, one kicker and one defense/special teams. Second, we are drafting from the middle (fifth) position in a zig-zag format, meaning Adrian Peterson and Maurice Jones-Drew were not available to us in the first round. Third, since all drafts play out differently, we’ll need a little luck along the way. And finally, our goal is nothing short of total domination and the abject humiliation of our opponents.

Now, with the fifth pick of the 2009 Fantasy Draft, we should have selected…

Round 1. Chris Johnson, RB, Titans. Jaw-dropping performances in Weeks 2 and 8 give Johnson the edge over the steadier DeAngelo Williams. The lone bright spot on a miserable Tennessee team, only AP and Jones-Drew offered more first-round value.

Round 2. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts. He has topped 300 yards in all but one game and registered fewer than two TDs just twice. Though Drew Brees and Tom Brady’s overall statistics are comparable, they lack Manning’s consistency. Reggie Wayne has scored in all but one game as well, and was an equally grand pick in this round.

Round 3. Ronnie Brown, RB, Dolphins. The undisputed master of the Wildcat formation has had three multi-touchdown games and contributes as a receiver as well. A bona fide every-week fantasy starter, Brown excels despite sharing the load nearly equally with Ricky Williams.

Round 4. Vincent Jackson, WR, Chargers. Second only to Wayne at the season’s mid-point, Philip Rivers’ favorite target has amassed 664 yards and five TDs, while generating at least 100 yards and/or a score in all but one game.

Round 5. Thomas Jones, RB, Jets. Perennially one of the most underrated players in the business, Jones keeps churning out yards and touchdowns. A threat to score from the one-yard-line or from 71 yards out (as he did in Week 6), he wasn’t the sexiest pick in this round. Just the best one.

Round 6. DeSean Jackson, WR, Eagles. All the second-year wideout does is make big plays, scoring on receptions of 54, 57, 64 and 71 yards, a 67-yard run, and an 85-yard punt return. That’s how you rack up fantasy points.

Round 7. Matt Schaub, QB, Texans. The knock on Schaub heading into the season was that he couldn’t stay healthy. So far, so good. Though he started and ended the first half of ’09 on sour notes, he proved to be an elite passer in between, with more yards and TDs (and interceptions) than Manning. Losing Owen Daniels – a better value in this round prior to his season-ending knee injury – could prove difficult for Schaub to overcome.

Round 8. Cedric Benson, RB, Bengals. Arguably the biggest steal of the draft, Benson has found new life in Cincinnati as the undisputed workhorse of his offense. Through seven games, Benson’s 720 rushing yards have already eclipsed his best season in Chicago and he has prospered even against some of the stingiest run defenses in the game.

Round 9. Donald Driver, WR, Packers. His partner, Greg Jennings, was taken six or seven rounds earlier, but Driver has been Aaron Rodgers’ more reliable target by far. Residing just outside the Top 10 fantasy ranks, the 11-year veteran still has plenty left in his tank.

Round 10. Eagles defense/special teams. You could have picked up the Saints or Broncos in free agency and gotten nearly as much production, but Philly boasts the top-ranked unit in most scoring formats.

Round 11. Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Steelers. Considered fumble-prone and lazy in the preseason, the second-year player silenced his critics with a dazzling coming-out party in Week 4. Mendenhall has been one of the most productive backs in the league ever since, while Willie Parker’s demise has been precipitous.

Round 12. Visanthe Shiancoe, TE, Vikings. With six TDs in five games, he has been consistent, if unspectacular. Though Daniels set the standard at the position over the first seven weeks, his loss opens the door for Shiancoe and others to excel in the second half.

Round 13. Brett Favre, QB, Vikings. Depending on when your draft was held, Favre could have been taken as high as Round 8 or gone undrafted altogether. This was the old man’s ADP, and what a value he has been, with 1,925 passing yards, 16 TDs and, get this, just three interceptions! You earn bonus points if you were prescient enough to start him over Manning and Schaub on Sunday.

Round 14. Steve Smith, WR, Giants. With a league-leading 53 receptions, “the other Steve Smith” has been one of the season’s biggest surprises. He’s been especially valuable in point-per-reception leagues.

Round 15. Vernon Davis, TE, 49ers. At the halfway point, Davis leads all tight ends with seven TDs. Long after most of us had written him off like a sub-prime mortgage, he is finally living up to the hype.

Round 16. Miles Austin, WR, Cowboys. Another player who was regularly ignored on draft night, Austin has been the darling of Fantasyland since his Week 5 breakout performance. After only three starts, he has catapulted into the Top 5 receiver ranks, and he appears primed for a dominating second half.

Round 17. Lawrence Tynes, K, Giants. The NFL’s leading kicker proves yet again that you can, and should, wait until the last round to fill this roster position. It helps that he has yet to serve his bye week.

So, how perfect was your draft?

FREE AGENT PICKS AND PANS
To win a fantasy championship, it helps to start with a perfect draft. But assuming you missed the mark at some point, tapping into the free agent pool can help significantly. Here’s a look at players worth considering, and one who would look better in someone else’s line-up.

Catch ‘em while you can

Ryan Moats, RB, Texans. Though I’m not convinced the fumble-prone Steve Slaton has lost his job for good, Slaton’s owners shouldn’t take any chances, either. Moats made an emphatic statement Sunday with his 126-yard, three-touchdown performance, and seems destined for more carries – including those near the goal-line – at worst.

Fred Davis, TE, Redskins. Following the back-to-back losses of Chris Cooley and Owen Daniels, many owners will be scrambling for worthy proxies. While Daniels’ backups offer faint consolation, Davis stepped up impressively against the Eagles in Week 7 after Cooley went down. With an extra week to get familiar with his new starting role, Davis is worth a gamble.

Don’t be fooled

Ted Ginn, WR, Dolphins. Unless you think he’s going to keep pulling 100-yard kickoff returns out of his hat, Ginn does not belong on your roster. He lost his starting wideout job to Brian Hartline, and was shut out (again) in the receiving game on Sunday.

Week 8 Sunday morning updates

Happy Sunday, Fools!

As always, follow my tweets (www.twitter.com/ladd_biro) for game day inactives and other breaking news.

Here's what I'm hearing and reading so far this morning...

Brian Westbrook will be sitting out recovering from the severe concussion he incurred last week. LeSean McCoy remains a solid start in his absence.

Reggie Wayne should be good to go. I still like Austin Collie today.

Nothing official yet, but ESPN is reporting that Matthew Stafford will start while Calvin Johnson sits OUT today. As I responded to one Fool's question this morning, if Megatron suits up against the Rams, he knocks T.O. out of my lineup today. But it doesn't look that way now.

Andre Johnson and his bruised lung will play in Buffalo.

Mario Manningham is probably OUT today with his sore/separated shoulder, per ESPN. That's good news for Steve Smith and Hakeem Nicks owners.

Jerricho Cotchery will be in the Jets' lineup, opposite Braylon. Expect Mark Sanchez to try to exploit the Dolphins' rookie cornerbacks today. But don't be surprised if one of those rookies takes one of the rookie QB's passes to the house.

Percy Harvin is good to go. Bernard Berrian probably isn't, which improves both Percy's and Sidney Rice's chances for success.

Good chance of showers today for the games in Green Bay, Baltimore and Philly.