The Chief Fool has retired

After 13 wonderful years of writing for some of the greatest, most respected newspapers and magazines in the free world, I have made the decision to ride off into the sunset.

It had been my goal for the last couple of years to secure the elusive Fantasy Football Writer of the Year threepeat, then drop the mic. But alas, I couldn't get my hands on that third trophy. That underscores the fact that there are a lot of great writers out there, so I know I won't be missed too much (if at all).

It's been a fun, rewarding and revealing journey. I've taken great pride in being considered among the top writers in the field, despite toiling away in my underwear on the couch while "the competition" works full-time, often for big companies with significant organizational resources. I was "just a guy" that loved playing fantasy football and could string together a few decent sentences. I've been an NFL fan since I was a young Ladd sitting in the Orange Bowl stands watching my beloved Dolphins every Sunday afternoon -- including the Perfect Season and the Greatest Game Ever Played (Dolphins-Chargers, the hook-and-ladder game). I'm neither a trained journalist nor a sports professional. I just love the game.

I'm forever grateful to Dwayne Bray, sports editor at the time for The Dallas Morning News, who responded to my email that said "you need to start covering fantasy football, and I think I can do it for you" -- and gave me a shot. I'm thankful to the editors at the Cleveland Plain Dealer (the second newspaper to pick up my column), the Chicago Sun-Times, Philadelphia Inquirer, Kansas City Star, Miami Herald (my hometown paper), San Francisco Chronicle, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe, Pioneer Press, Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel and others who allowed me to share my foolish insights with their readers. I appreciate Sporting News magazine for entrusting me with its Friday column for so many years, and Sporting News Radio for giving me an hour on their national airwaves every NFL week before they were acquired by Yahoo! Sports.

And of course, I thank all of you Fools who followed me on one of those platforms, or here on my blog. I enjoyed getting to know several of you, and to contributing in some small way to who-knows-how-many fantasy league championships. I hope you always followed my good advice, and ignored my bad calls!

So, no more preseason columns. No more positional rankings. No more Perfect Drafts. No more Monday articles with my weekend recaps and waiver-wire picks and pans. No more Starters & Benchwarmers on Fridays. No more Boneheads of the Week. No more Biro's Heroes & Zeros Awards.

It's been a great run, but my PR agency -- Champion Management -- is growing like crazy and it demands my full attention. I'll still be playing in multiple leagues, and my RedZone subscription will be renewed. But this is my fond farewell to all the Fools out there.

It's been an honor to share this crazy pastime with you. After all, fantasy football is more than just a maniacal obsession!

12th Annual Biro’s Heroes & Zeros Awards

Actors have the Golden Globes and Oscars. Musicians have the Grammys. Fantasy football players are stuck with Biro’s Heroes & Zeros.

Hey, nobody said life is fair.

Once again, before we close the books on another exhilarating / frustrating / victorious / humiliating (circle one) fantasy season, we must take a quick stroll back through 2017 to examine the players we rooted for and against and – with as much objectivity as we can muster – give credit where credit is due.

As always, our annual accolades (and condemnations) have but a few important criteria:

1. Consistency on a weekly basis is next to godliness.
2. Production during the fantasy playoffs – NFL Weeks 14 through 16 – is given extra weight.  Players who let their owners down at the worst possible time earn our eternal scorn. (We’re looking at you, Mr. Cooks.)
3. Week 17 is dead to us.

Without further ado, I am pleased to present the 12^th Annual Biro’s Heroes & Zeros Awards:

Most Valuable Player: Todd Gurley, RB, Rams. See Criteria No. 1. Gurley was the model of consistency, scoring and/or totaling more than 100 combined yards in every game but one. He led the league in rushing (through Week 16) and scored more TDs both rushing and receiving than any other RB. Even better, virtually no one had to use a first-round pick to get him. Runner-up: Le’Veon Bell, RB, Steelers.

“Peerless Price Memorial” Bust of the Year: Jordy Nelson, WR, Packers. He started off strong but was completely worthless after Aaron Rodgers went down in Week 6. Davante Adams flourished as Brett Hundley’s go-to receiver while Nelson disappeared – yet his owners didn’t dare bench him for weeks since he was bound to catch fire at any moment, right? Runner-up: Matt Ryan, QB, Falcons.

Rookie of the Year: Alvin Kamara, RB, Saints. Kareem Hunt seems like the obvious choice, but from Week 6 through 13, the Chiefs’ rookie was little better than average. By contrast, once Adrian Peterson was traded to Arizona, Kamara was money. A game-changing force both running and receiving, Kamara amassed the second-most total TDs among RBs despite being a backup. Runner-up: Hunt, RB, Chiefs. 

Comeback Player of the Year: Gurley. When you go from Rookie of the Year to Bust of the Year and then back to MVP form, you pretty much embody the Comeback criteria. Runner-up: DeAndre Hopkins, WR, Texans.

Mr. Reliable: Jarvis Landry, WR, Dolphins. When healthy, nobody is more reliable than Antonio Brown. But this year, Landry was the model of consistency with Jay Cutler, of all people, flinging him balls. Landry never caught fewer than five passes in a game, and he contributed week-in and week-out rather than padding his year-end ranking with a handful of big performances. Runner-up: Travis Kelce, TE, Chiefs.

Surprise of the Year: Alex Smith, QB, Chiefs. Like his team, he began the year en fuego and then petered out thereafter, with a few exceptions. But he finished the season as a Top 3 fantasy QB, and nobody saw that coming. Runner-up: Jared Goff, QB, Rams.

Steal of the Draft: Carson Wentz, QB, Eagles. Available as late as the 13^th round, Wentz delivered elite results all the way through his final game in Week 14. Runner-up: Adam Thielen, WR, Vikings.

Best Waiver-Wire Acquisition: Kamara. It’s not often you can pickup an elite RB, and Rookie of the Year candidate, multiple weeks into the season. Runner-up: DeShawn Watson, QB, Texans.

Mr. Big Play: Tyreek Hill, WR, Chiefs. Among his 8 TDs were scoring jaunts of 40, 56, 64 (twice), 75 and 79 yards, and an 82-yard punt return. Runner-up: Hunt.

Most Devastating Injury Loss: David Johnson, RB, Cardinals. When the consensus No. 1 pick goes down in the opener, it doesn’t just ruin your day. It can ruin your whole season. Runner-up: Rodgers, QB, Packers.

“Thomas Jones Memorial” Most Underrated: Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Cardinals. Hasn’t his “final chapter” been written for years now? Runner-up: Philip Rivers, QB, Chargers.

Most Overrated: Terrelle Pryor, WR, Redskins. After a better-than-expected 2016 season in Cleveland, hopes were unreasonably inflated when Pryor was traded to Washington. I didn’t buy it, and it certainly didn’t materialize. Runner-up: Jordan Reed, TE, Redskins.

Made Chicken Salad from Chicken Scratch: LeSean McCoy, RB, Bills. Buffalo’s offense was as mediocre as it gets, yet Shady was able to soar within it. Runner-up: Jordan Howard, RB, Bears.

Biggest Postseason Disappointment: Brandin Cooks, WR, Patriots. If you survived his Week 14 letdown, Cooks’ 19-yard implosion in Week 16 may have cost you a title. Runner-up: Thielen.

Team Bust of the Year (a.k.a. They Are Who We Thought They Were): Browns. There isn’t a player on this team that you regret not drafting. Runner-up: Giants.

“Plaxico Burress Memorial” Bonehead of the Year: Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Cowboys. His most serious transgressions were committed before this season, but he and his fantasy owners paid for them this year. Elliott’s continued lack of maturity is cause for long-term concern. Runner-up: Rob Gronkowski, TE, Patriots (suspended Week 14).

Most Likely to Succeed in 2018: JuJu Smith-Schuster, WR, Steelers. The rookie already proved that he’s ready for the NFL spotlight. Lining up opposite Antonio Brown with a full year of experience under his belt, Smith-Schuster could flirt with elite status next season. Runner-up: Jimmy Garoppolo, QB, 49ers.

Favorite Fantasy Guru Riding into the Sunset: Yours truly. It’s been a great, 13-year run and the best side gig a lifelong football fan could ever ask for. But my day job is keeping me busier than ever and something had to give. Thanks so much for reading and for giving me the perfect excuse to stay glued to my TV for 10 hours every Sunday during the NFL season.

The Perfect Draft: Final Judgment

Ah, yes. August 2017.

It was a simpler time then, full of magic and wonder and endless possibilities.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew then what you know now?

You probably would have put everything you owned in bitcoin. You wouldn’t have gotten your hopes up so high for The Last Jedi. You would have bitten your tongue instead of saying that thing you said to you-know-who. And you sure would’ve used your first-round pick on anyone but David Johnson!

Sadly, there are few do-overs in life, and none in fantasy football. At least not in the season-long version that God intended for us to play. But there sure is plenty of 20/20 hindsight. Yes, friends, it’s time to adjust our rear-view mirrors as we explore what could have been with my oft-imitated, always-controversial, yet magically delicious Perfect Draft: The Final Judgment.

As always, we start with a few key parameters. We will draft from the middle (fifth) position in a 10-team non-keeper league, meaning we won’t have a shot at Le’Veon Bell or Antonio Brown. We’ll use a standard scoring system that starts one quarterback, two running backs, two wide receivers, and one tight end, flex, kicker and team defense. We disregard Week 17, since no league should be vying for a championship then. And, of course, our goal is nothing short of total domination and the abject humiliation of our opponents.

Now, with the fifth pick of the 2017 Perfect Draft, we should have selected…

Round 1: Todd Gurley, RB, Rams. Gurley led countless fantasy teams to a title, and the vast majority of his grateful owners snagged him in the second or third round. But since Bell and Brown are already off the board, we’ll go ahead and grab the Fantasy MVP a bit early.

Round 2: Rob Gronkowski, TE, Patriots. Leonard Fournette got the call here in our mid-season review, but nagging injuries cost the rookie in the second half. Gronk had his issues, too, including a one-week suspension. But he’s still the most dominant tight end of his generation.

Round 3: DeAndre Hopkins, WR, Texans. What happens when you wait until the third round to take your first wideout? Fantasy’s top receiver* just might fall in your lap! (*In all fairness, Brown’s late-season injury made this statement possible.)

Round 4: Kareem Hunt, RB, Chiefs. The electrifying rookie slumped through a rough mid-season patch, but he rediscovered his mojo in time for the fantasy playoffs. Keenan Allen delivered nicely from this spot as well.

Round 5: Tyreek Hill, WR, Chiefs. Hunt’s playmaking teammate embodies the cliché that he’s “a threat to score every time he touches the ball.” It’s a shame we have to pass on Mark Ingram here.

Round 6: Russell Wilson, QB, Seahawks. It wasn’t always pretty, and he had his off weeks; but in the end, Wilson was the top QB in Fantasyland. Then again, when virtually an entire offense runs through one guy – as Seattle’s does with Wilson both passing and rushing – perhaps it’s not that surprising.

Round 7: Zach Ertz, TE, Eagles. Carson Wentz’s go-to target will serve us well when Gronk misses time. He’s also an excellent flex option.

Round 8: Chris Hogan, WR, Patriots. Hogan stepped into the role vacated by Julian Edelman and produced consistently as one of Tom Brady’s most trusted targets over the first half of the season. We’ll miss his contributions down the stretch.

Round 9: Adam Thielen, WR, Vikings. We’re not thrilled with how he finished the season, but Thielen was money most of the way. The PPR hero offered superior value from his late draft slot, but you can bet he won’t come so cheap next year.

Round 10: Carson Wentz, QB, Eagles. We’ll hate losing him at the end of Week 14, but we’ll enjoy the ride for most of the season.

Round 11: Jaguars defense/special teams. Jacksonville led – or was among the top three – in virtually every defensive category (sacks, turnovers, defensive TDs scored, points against) and, consequently, racked up more fantasy points than any other unit.

Round 12: Marvin Jones, Jr., WR, Lions. He was hardly the model of consistency, but Jones managed to amass more than 1,000 yards and 8 TDs through Week 16 as Matt Stafford’s most productive receiver.

Round 13: Dion Lewis, RB, Patriots. The New England backfield is notoriously difficult to predict, but Lewis emerged as the team’s go-to tailback down the stretch. In PPR leagues especially, Lewis offered solid production.

Round 14: Alvin Kamara, RB, Saints. Among the favorites for Fantasy Rookie of the Year honors, Kamara was a bit player in the New Orleans offense until Adrian Peterson was shipped off to Arizona. After that, laissez les bons temps rouler!

Round 15: Cooper Kupp, WR, Rams. Just for kicks, let’s grab Jared Goff’s favorite receiver late. We’ll never start him, but we’ll keep him out of our competitors’ lineups.

Round 16: Alex Smith, QB, Chiefs. Raise your hand if you thought Smith would be a Top 3 fantasy QB at the end of the season. Yeah, sure you did.

Round 17: Greg Zuerlein, K, Rams. Mopping up for the NFL’s top-scoring offense helps make you an elite fantasy kicker. We’ll have to get by in the finale without Zuerlein after a herniated disk sent him to I.R.

There you have it. A team primed to start off hot, withstand the bye weeks, absorb a couple of injuries and finish at the top.

The good news is you didn’t need to draft this well to win a title. But it sure would have been fun.

Next week, we close out the 2017-18 season with our annual Biro’s Heroes & Zeros Awards.